i can't dissect this into a paragraph of thoughts in one and feelings in another so i am just going to write. after mindfucking this for a day i find my first reaction remains my true one. i say yes! HELL FUCKING YES. Sex exists on Gor and not necessarily hidden away in a wagon at night but in plain daylight in front of a crowd, anywhere a Master wanted it. kajira were highly sexual beings beyond the mere picture of beauty while gracefully walking or demurely kneeling and lucky the slave to find herself with lasting marks on the flesh, mind and soul long after an encounter with a full fledge Master. i know i could pretend to click 'post' with a virgin blush, and high school giggle, give an apology for being impolite and worry myself silly if my answer will be popular BUT if i did any that, my post would be the antithesis of the quote presented. Master Raziel answers his own riddle by asking us what we think and feel and then giving us permission to speak freely. every slave dreams of being asked but also being shown the answer she could never imagine. He made me squirm by making me read that quote and probably knew i (everyone) would. that instant throb of desire so quick to rise and then have to be held at bay in order to hold an intelligent conversation is a culmination of JN's words. i don't want to have to always think, i want to just feel, no pretending, no holding back, just pure..response. i resented Master Raziel for asking, as that sexual side of me has been dormant a long time and once returned i didn't want to have to hide it all away again. yet in doing so, He is a prime example of a true Master's place in a slave's life, not to just have as a trophy but to interact and challenge. this post is difficult and frustrating but i do it anyway, not just because it's an 'assignment' not just because i don't want to displease him but deep down inside, i need to answer it, i want him to know, heck i want the world to know. to be careful and restrained in my response would be a failure in celebrating the words of JN above and being true to ourselves, a highly sensitive being. slavery and even Mastery is far more than sex but can a union be totally complete without it? in the most primal of worlds, touch is even more significant and while a caress can be beyond precious and mere look your soul's validation. i won't say i've never enjoyed a cuddle but sometimes i ache for that kissless, ruthless fuck. i want someone who revels in the sounds of arousal and hues of the flesh or the stretching of skin a well touched body can make. i have a brain but sometimes i get so tired of thinking and only want to feel, not just the blurr to my mind but the throb in my body. the heck with 'perspiration', i want to sweat. bodies make noise, they get wet, they hurt and they feel freaking wonderful. i don't want to have to sit in front of a mirror to see what i am, i want to know with a whisper from behind or a look across the room or a pat to the side of a leg out of the blue. i don't always want to know what to expect and pray blind obedience doesn't fulfill all of 'you'. unquestioning submission can be the most beautiful thing in the silence of the night after the worst freaking day, to know there is a place in an unforgiving world what you can just breath, not have to explain anything, prove anything or ask anything. all is already known and then rediscovered in a new light and different plane, beyond your imagination and with a tickling laughter long after the moment has passed. there are limits to how much and what way a slave can give to another or achieve in self-awareness when on their own. the Master i most admire is simply not satisfied with withholding himself all the time. He needs to give just as innately as a slave. He has the option of controlling himself or not. He may deny himself the want or need in the name of preference or past hurts but what fulfillment is there in an endless echo of 'yes Master'. who wants to be Owned by someone satisfied with mere words and mundane actions? what attraction or even respect is there for the Man who demands himself be completely unreachable. feel something, please! if not for me, then a passion for life. there is no power in rigid distance except to yourself. i ache for someone who is capable for finding beauty in thesunlight as well as the darkness of the soul. leave the tender moment to be treasured but not more so than the most obscene. i never dreamt of furring every Master but the right one who is willing to share that side of him, who can let go of any restraints he has placed upon himself, what could be more glorious? slavery to me has never and will never be just about the fuck, anymore than it is just about kneeling, it's every mundane moment or disgusting chore, the boring relatives and the obnoxious kids, its the serve of the walmart brand apple juice in a plastic cup from mcdonalds, its the good times the bad times, the unpredictable and the i can't stand another night of this to i think i hate you, no i know i hate you, and the knowing smile upon his face when he says 'I know'. it may not always be everything but it is always anything. i don't want a Master who i have to be asked if he is one, i want one that just is without announcement when he walks into the room, i want someone who can chat with a lower case first letter in their name because they have nothing to prove to anyone, NOT to Himself and especially me. i don't dream of someone who will settle for me because i dint want to settle for less than You. make me earn it, never share it, beat me for asking and loving me for not. ask me, demand me, force me, not to prove to me i'm a slave, nor that you are a Master, simply because you want me, desire me, need me, if only for a heartbeat. don't let me down by letting me off the hook, care enough to teach, to talk, with your words, your hands, your lessons i don't understand and your forgiveness i don't think i deserve. i'm selfish, needy, greedy because i can't help myself and you don't want me any other way and when you do 'want' me, please take me...
my thanks to Master Raziel
kiah{MTC}
