This poses a very difficult question for me.. I work in the Emergency Medical Services (EMS). I drive one of the ambulances that people see going and coming every day. I put myself in danger, in difficult situations everyday.. Because it is my job and I enjoy it. I might complain and grumble...but I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it.
Am I saying that you should have done something? oh HELL NO. Am I saying that your girlfriend should have done something? Again, oh HELL NO. I would never, ever recommend that someone endanger themselves to save someone else....Unless you have the training for it. And even then, sometimes...Training doesn't mean shit. It's over with too quickly for that training to even kick in. Even when the training does, sometimes it is just their time to die. And Yes I believe that.. I am a very strong believer in the fact that if it is your time to die, then no matter who is around..You will die.
In our training the first thing we are told and it is drilled into our heads everyday afterwards.. First..Protect yourself.. Second..Protect your partner.. Third..Protect the patient. Is that coldhearted? In a way yes.. But we're taught, if we get hurt or our partner gets hurt then we become the patients and our original patient doesn't get the help they need, they have to wait longer til help for all of us come. I've found it's a good rule to live by in life too. If I get killed, who is going to look after my daughter? If I get myself killed, how can I look after her? You have to think about things like that.
I think it is very sad that one person died trying to save another.. and that their memory should be honored for it. And I see that you, nor your girlfriend did anything wrong. You did the right thing, you protected yourselves and kept yourselves from being casualties that possibly died or made matters worse. It is a very hard thing knowing that you "Could have" done something and it "Might have" helped.. But you are alive, changed but alive.
As for how it relates to Gor.. an online death, especially of a character that you created and nurtured and watched how it changed over time.. it bothers you when they do die. Been there done that and I expect I'll do it again. It hurt, physically like a part of yourself or someone you knew well did. But it too can be lived with.
Now I am down to your second post...ugh, I've rambled enough already huh?

But I'm going on anyways because I think I need to say it. And I seldom need to say anything online.
You are going on Maybe's and If's in that post. Look at the opposite.. You ALL could have died in that no swim area.. What are the odds of enough of the people who were there being the "best swimmers" and "strongest men" combined into what was needed? Maybe the best swimmers were the smallest females and the worst the strongest men.. The men panic and drown the strongest swimmers in that panic. Same situation, death. Just add more people.
The highschool thing.. They are kids, children. Even though society considers them adults..They are so young. Very very few young wouldn't panic and freeze up when confronted with something like that. I hate to say it, but most adults freeze up and panic as badly as kids do. So it would make no difference.
As far as them being males making a difference.. It might have, like the earlier paragraph with the swimmers I made.. More people might have died trying to save them if they had been girls. And it would have been a bigger tragedy. Like Rags said, death comes for us all. It was their time to go.
The most tragic part of this, in my opinion.. Is that you and your girlfriend are second guessing yourselves and beating yourselves up mentally over this with the "What If's". It shows something about your personalities, your inner being, your characters...That you do second guess yourselves. It shows there is a good person inside of you two. It is also the greatest weakness, that you will always have that little voice in the back of your mind, that nightmare saying "What If.." It does get easier with time, but it takes a lot of time and it will never go away. It will get quieter though, the "What If's.." fading slowly as you realize that you did what was best for your own lives, as you realize it was their time to go and nothing could have changed it.
I want to say one last thing, then I promise I'll be quiet.. Do not keep this bottled up in you or your girlfriend.. TALK! Talk to each other, work it out with each other. HELP each other thru this. But if you keep it bottled up and refuse to talk, it will eat you alive. Don't let this ruin your sanity and make you question yourselves.