I can eat crow, it takes good, but leaves such a horrid after taste that doesn't seem to go away. I have started and stopped this post for so many weeks now, not sure if I even deserve to post anything, as it was my words that made my bed. Perhaps that alone should tell me that things were going sideways even back then. Believing who I thought were friends who in the end weren't truly such, just those who would just bleed me dry. So much time has passed, but the pain is still there and I am not certain anything that I do or say will do anything. I can make excuses, but those are empty. Suddenly I just want to say one word.
Sorry
I walked away from on line roleplay nearly 5 years ago, the only things that matter now me and my husband, who is still with me after all the shit I have put him through, guess he loves me after all and getting my life on the track it should have been on so long ago, something I gave up for others.
I don't expect forgiveness, I don't expect trust, I don't expect anything. Just thought it was time to take a step forward and say I was wrong, that was me, but it wasn't who I am. It's all about time, perhaps we have an abundance of it, or maybe not a lot of it, it's just a measure of my mistakes that can't be taken back, just like words, typed or yelled. I caused pain to those I called family for so long and should never have been given the ability to be part of. It was a lie that brought me here in the first place, curiosity that kept me around, love that kept me and in the end I blew it up for all the wrong reasons. It was my words, my actions that did that, no one else is at fault, it's all on me. That 5 letter word is just a word I see and hear so many times a day, it's an empty word to me. There are actions that can prove that word obsolete.
Time
That's a word that is full of so much, so little and nothing all at the same time.
