the word 'retard' and all its variations

[rep]

This post has been a long time coming and I think i'm finally ready to step out on this limb.

I have a request please...Can those of you that use/throw around the word 'retard' in the room and on the board please try to stop?

The word really isn't a 'joke' and not everyone finds it funny. To me, the word 'retard' is hateful and hurtful and a real heart breaker. if you've ever had it hurled by a stranger, at you or a loved one, you will know this to be true.

You all know far too well that i am not perfect and i can't even say that i have never said it myself. Never the less, i see it being used by more people as of late and this dismays me. Would it be possible to find a different word to vent your frustrations or describe what you are trying to express?

forgive me for mixing IC with OOC for a moment but don't we r/p in a room where honor and respect are of utmost importance? might we try to carry over those fine characteristics to more of our conversations? maybe you'll find that an ironic question. hopefully you will recognize that it comes from my heart.

i understand i might be the only one who is sensitive to its usage. i am not trying to put anyone down but i am attempting to let you know that this bothers me enough to post. i accept that might not be important to you and i hope i haven't offended anyone by asking you to think about this.

kiah's typist laura

[Raziel]

This post has been a long time coming and I think i'm finally ready to step out on this limb.

I have a request please...Can those of you that use/throw around the word 'retard' in the room and on the board please try to stop?

The word really isn't a 'joke' and not everyone finds it funny. To me, the word 'retard' is hateful and hurtful and a real heart breaker. if you've ever had it hurled by a stranger, at you or a loved one, you will know this to be true.

You all know far too well that i am not perfect and i can't even say that i have never said it myself. Never the less, i see it being used by more people as of late and this dismays me. Would it be possible to find a different word to vent your frustrations or describe what you are trying to express?

forgive me for mixing IC with OOC for a moment but don't we r/p in a room where honor and respect are of utmost importance? might we try to carry over those fine characteristics to more of our conversations? maybe you'll find that an ironic question. hopefully you will recognize that it comes from my heart.

i understand i might be the only one who is sensitive to its usage. i am not trying to put anyone down but i am attempting to let you know that this bothers me enough to post. i accept that might not be important to you and i hope i haven't offended anyone by asking you to think about this.

kiah's typist laura

Allow me to respond to this in an OOC manner.

Yes, I have been called retarded, dumb, shit head, a dick, an asshole, bastard, etc etc etc.

Does it hurt me?  No, why?  Because if you think about it, they are just words.  Words can impact the person behind the screen, sure, but to what degree?  Remember this?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  They only hurt if you let them hurt.  If there is one thing I am good at, it is sarcasm and demeaning people without having to succumb to name calling and without them even realizing I did, but if they are on an intellectual level that is "sub level" to the normal High School Graduate/College Graduate with a....say...degree in Law...then I can sink down and communicate with them in terms they can comprehend.

And yes, we roleplay in a room where honor and repsect are important, but what if you roleplay a thief?  Or an Assassin?  Can they not roleplay in our room because their honor is always in question?  Or perhaps you mean that we roleplay in a room where honor and respect are important to our room, per se....respect our rules...honor our laws etc...or you will be dealt with. 

Some rper's roleplay exactly as their "characters" should in Gorean World.  Not everone is honorable, not everyone respectful.  That is how life is, that is how Gor is.  Gor is not always fair and justified.  It just is.

Words...they are only as hurtful as you let them be.

Me personally, I like fucktard...I tend to use it quite often because there are a lot of those running around still, no matter the skins they wear.

I am who I am and make no excuses for it.

Raz

[razz|n.o.i.r]

I wasn't going to reply to this. As Raz always words things absolutely flawlessly.

I 'do' on occasion use this word you seem to find very insulting. Though not in the context that you do not like. My neighbor has a son. He is severely disabled. Down syndrome to the point where. He will never surpass the intelligence of a 1 1/2 year old. Do I call him that name? No. The kid is kind, and gentle. It isn't his fault he was made that way.

Though at the same time? I have one hell of a mouth on me. I say anything from. cocksucker, asswipe, (oh yes) fucktard, moron, jackass, son of a.... You get the point. But if someone else takes it to heart to that extent? I cannot apologize for it.

If I'm online and I royaly screw something up? Yea. I'll call myself a retard. Cause I feel like a complete dumbass for what I've done. I have jokingly said the word in other areas. But 'never' once seriously. I am sorry you find this word so insulting. But I do second what Raz has said here.

Another part of being a Tuchuk. Is having a thick skin, and a strong spine. I could be wrong, but thats what I have gathered over time. Ive been called every name under the sun. Which only makes me laugh. Some of the words are probably right. But I won't let it hurt me. Life's too short to sweat the little things like that.

Thats it. I'm not trying to insult you in what I'm saying here. Just elaborating on how I react to your post. Instead of simply nodding as i generally do.

Though all of my all time favorite insults. Are in chinese, so. No one will read them here on the boards. Just looks dumb typed out.

Have a good one.

[Tgol]

I uderstand where you're coming from on this. I have a brother who is disabled, but he functions well. When we were younger, I got into a few fights over people calling him a retard and other insults of that manner. THe words are insulting and hurtful if delivered in that manner.

As Sarant and Raz have both put so eloquently, most use the word in a joking manner, and most times it is to ourselves for things we have done. One of the dictionary definitions of retard is:
a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.

Most people have done something to fit this definition in their lives and yes, even in this room and RPing. We are all this defined person, but if you cannot laugh at your self, who can you laugh at. We say things sometimes that look insulting and are, but look at the context of the word...for nearly every word in the English language has multiple meanings.

If you have issues with somethign someone says, take a look at the contaxt of the answer/response, not how you think it affects you

[Alex]

Im am one whom is at fault for this convo.. Am I sorry.. No I am Not.. The word On the Screen Does Not depict How I use the word In my RT... I joke with Rags alot and yes I use the word "Retard" Back and forth with him... when We use the word.. its in a joking manner of being back in our football playing days and as his Highschool coach so bluntly stated.. hit the guy so hard you make him a ... and the rest is history.. in my mind.. it means get your ass in gear and do something. That transends many things in life RP/RT... Now the word yes I use it, but its not in a derrogitory way or discrimitory against a person whom has the purpous in life of being happy and joyful.. whom doesnt have the times of knowing pain or suffering and whom cares for anyone  more than they care for themselves in a genuine manner.. to me that kind of person is a very one of a kind person.. and if that is what a retard is.. than I for one would be a retard anyday of the week...

Having a thick skin and spine is something that everyone must have in life.. but I for one cuss like a sailor i know I cant stop and I wont because it is who I am... So in response.. I agree with what Raz said..

[Medi]

I wasn't going to respond to this, at first, but decided to do so, since I can see that it was partially addressed at me.

I apologize for any hurt feelings.


Leda

[rep]

I am who I am and make no excuses for it.

this i knew, Master. heck it's part of your appeal. it was also why i dreaded a response from you, though it seems not enough to remain quiet *s*

You correctly deciphered what i meant in the honor/respect portion and those embedded lessons gave me a different way of looking at a lot of things. 

i'm not so sure i can wrap my head and heart around the 'they are only words' but i understand that i can try to control how much effect they might have on me

i've said my peace and will remember that i'm responsible for my reaction to it in the future ..~quietly~.. but i still won't like that term.

kiah

[rep]

Another part of being a Tuchuk. Is having a thick skin, and a strong spine.

i understand Mistress, about the 'thick skin and strong spine'. it takes strength too, to speak up for what you believe in, like starting this thread even though i doubted anyone would agree with me and worried some might get mad i made it.

i didn't get insulted by anything you said. i felt the need to ask. i feel better in doing so.

thank you for speaking up Mistress. sometimes it is beneficial to someone to hear things explained/re-explained in slightly different words.

kiah

[rep]

I uderstand where you're coming from on this. I have a brother who is disabled, but he functions well. When we were younger, I got into a few fights over people calling him a retard and other insults of that manner. THe words are insulting and hurtful if delivered in that manner.

~quietly~.Master, this is why i don't like the use of the word at all. i do understand there can be a huge differences in the use of the words. for example, my ex-husband calling me a c*nt and an ex-Owner calling me the same thing provoked two very different responses from me. it seems i lack the ability to entertain the different definitions

thank you for taking the time to reply Master. it was good to see you on the boards.

kiah

[rep]

Im am one whom is at fault for this convo.. Am I sorry.. No I am Not..

If you had asked me a month ago whom seemed to use the word most, yes Master, you would come to mind. But as i said in my post, i've seen it used a lot more lately and by different people, and that is why i couldn't remain quiet any longer. i didn't ask for an apology from anyone, only that they might think about using a different term. realistically, i knew i was addressing almost all Dominant personalities so i basically knew the answer. still i felt it was important enough for me to express how i felt about it. thank you for replying Master.

kiah

[Medi]

kiah...

So much about a 'word', is who it comes from, and how you feel about them.

I have been called a 'bitch', 'cunt', 'slut', and even worse by people I trust and love...and have seen those words as being expressions of love.

Co-workers and others have called me 'moron', 'idiot', 'jerk', 'holder of a law degree', and even worse, and I have laughed...they were playing with me.

Opponents have called me 'ma'am', 'lady', 'counselor', and I have been very offended...because they were intending to insult me.

I was playing with your character...I am sorry that I offended you.  It won't happen again.

Medi

[rep]

kiah...

So much about a 'word', is who it comes from, and how you feel about them.

I have been called a 'bitch', 'cunt', 'slut', and even worse by people I trust and love...and have seen those words as being expressions of love.

Co-workers and others have called me 'moron', 'idiot', 'jerk', 'holder of a law degree', and even worse, and I have laughed...they were playing with me.

Opponents have called me 'ma'am', 'lady', 'counselor', and I have been very offended...because they were intending to insult me.

I was playing with your character...I am sorry that I offended you.  It won't happen again.

Medi

i believe i covered most of this in my original post and previous responses. i don't want to sound like a broken record nor ignore your post. thanks for sharing your opinion with me.

kiah

[razz|n.o.i.r]

"my ex-husband calling me a c*nt and an ex-Owner calling me the same thing provoked two very different responses from me. it seems i lack the ability to entertain the different definitions"
kiah

I'm sorry to quote right off. Though that one word provoking two very different responses from you. This other word you do not like? Is used to get several different responses. You do not lack the ability. -smiles-. I've found when I have a hard time understanding something. It's because my own feelings have gotten in the way. Just thought perhaps that may help?
I do not fully agree, nor fully disagree with you. The words people use is a touchy subject. Like religion is.

So shutting up now. You don't have to respond at all to this.

[rep]

i know...*quietly*...i never claimed to make any sense...

i'll be over...there...*points to the shadows*...thank you for all the civil replies

kiah

(self-edited, just because)

[RAGNAR]

GET OUT OF THE SHADOWS!!!