Author Topic: a little laugh :-)  (Read 579510 times)

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3510 on: August 13, 2021, 05:54:54 PM »
a new comer enters the pub stating he is on a world tour. he asks if there are any others in the pub who have visited different places. sean says chauncy over there as visited a number of places, he keeps getting banned from pub after pub and has to find a new one.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3511 on: August 14, 2021, 07:03:01 PM »
chauncy decides to help his wife while she is at work so he made a list of thing for her to do when she got home

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3512 on: August 15, 2021, 06:26:55 PM »
chauncy's wife saw a job application he had filled out and said well I can see why no one hires you, under time availability for mornings you put no I sleep in, for afternoons no  at the bookies or playing pool  and evenings, no at the pub. chauncy said well it is a matter of priorities.

Offline Yvonne

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
  • Please... Not until I've had My blackwine...
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3513 on: August 15, 2021, 06:28:34 PM »
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response..

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U..S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

The cowboy continued, "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about
cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep."

The cowboy paused dramatically for just a moment as all of what he said sunk in, and then delivered the coup de grace...

"Now give me back my dog."

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3514 on: August 16, 2021, 10:07:38 AM »
lol

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3515 on: August 16, 2021, 07:26:50 PM »
Ian told his friend, I am going into that pub and demand an apology from chauncy, this won't take a minute. he goes in, comes flying out through the window. his friend says well you right, it didn't take a minute, it was more like ten seconds.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3516 on: August 17, 2021, 05:57:51 PM »
chauncy's wife says her mum is taking up jogging. chauncy replies, did anyone notify the people who monitor for earthquakes so there won't be any false alarms?

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3517 on: August 18, 2021, 06:12:39 PM »
chauncy gets home and tells his wife he had seen her mum at the pub. she says don't tell me you got into another fight at the pub with her. he replies not a cross word was spoken between us. she says well I am happy to hear that. how did you manage to get on with her so well? he replied, who said I got on with her, I was able to slip out the back door and into the pub accross the street before she knew I was there.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3518 on: August 19, 2021, 06:14:51 PM »
the barkeep asks chauncy if he is supersitious about anything. chauncy says actually, yes, buying the first round is bad lick for me. sean says, not to mention the second, third, and fourth rounds.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3519 on: August 20, 2021, 06:40:49 PM »
chauncy's wife suggests they try the new pub in town, he says no, that place is too upscale for me. she says let me guess you have already been barred from it havent you?

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3520 on: August 21, 2021, 06:11:45 PM »
chauncy us at the bank, the manager confirms the bank allows one to open an avvount with only $5 and the account does immediately qualify for over draft protection, then says but that does not mean you can use an IOU for the $5.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3521 on: August 22, 2021, 06:08:31 PM »
sean asks chauncy if he should bring the beer when he comes over to watch the game tonight. chauncy says you know the rule about you being a guest at the house. sean says sorry, I meant to say beer and snacks.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3522 on: August 23, 2021, 09:28:07 PM »
chauncy tells his wife her mum is there to pick her up for a girls night out. his wife says will be down in a moment just chat with mum until I get there. chauncy says to his mother in law, I see your latest diet has failed  you gained what 50 lbs?

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3523 on: August 24, 2021, 06:45:06 PM »
chauncy walks into the pub wearing knee pads. sean asks what is with those? chauncy replies my wofe got them for me for the crawl home after the pub.

Offline MageNathaniel1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2257
Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #3524 on: August 25, 2021, 07:12:23 PM »
chauncy comes home after going to the game. his favourite team lost. he blurts out the amlunt they charge to watch those bums play is insane. his wife says that may be but you never pay to see it as you always sneak in by climbing the back fence.