a little laugh :-)

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Savi))

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said
excitedly: "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your
students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like
you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my
student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what
you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made
absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ...."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are
about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary ..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him,
but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though,
because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you
want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true
nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

...

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

[familure{TD}]

for stress relief....
and ummm...knew better than post this on the gor board knowing that at least one would think it was aimed at them...~lol~

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/idiot

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Master Ubar Ragnar))

Three Tuchk Men are having a drink in the paga when a drunk comes stumbling in off the street. The drunk points at the Tuchuk in the middle and exclaims in a loud voice, "Hey you! I screwed your mother rotten last night!"

The Tuchuk in the middle shrugs and continues his conversation with his friends. Frustrated by the lack of response, the drunk stumbles back out of the paga wagon.

A few moments later the drunk stumbles back into the paga wagon, points a finger at the same guy and yells, "Did you hear me, asshole?! I said I fucked your mother last night and she was great!!!".

Finally, Terran responds, "I know RAGNAR! I heard you the first time now go back to your wagon!"

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Sidona))

Subject: Finally an intelligent lawyer


Title of Property


You gotta love this lawyer. Everyone who has ever bought a house will enjoy this.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter from the FHA):


"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows


(This is his actual letter):


Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.The good queen, Isabella , being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, of the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?"


The loan was approved.

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Savi))

AT&T
By Robert Byron.



One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is
to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from
a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as
they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:


(swallowing)

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

( When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this
lady was persistent.)

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but
she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to
whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's
right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at
the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute.
Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10
cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the
Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while
I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I
could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was
helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up
for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
brother...
AT&T: (click)

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by jetta{Brooke}))

I got t his in an email and thought it was cute.




When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place
expensive...................
               



So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Taryn))

For those who thought that they had a roommate from hell, after reading this, you might think that your's might resemble a saint instead...

http://rush68.net/%7Edave/crap/story.htm

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Savi))

The big red button!! *G*

http://fun.drno.de/flash/BigRedButton.swf

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Master Kan))

-WARNING JOKE BELOW MAY OFFEND- Hehehe






This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar but decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?".

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink". The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."

So the customer asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"

The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX."

The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity marguerita. "So, what do you call your penis?"

The man to his right turns to him and prouldly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job 1," Then adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis.

He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret'. Now give me my beer."

The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

The customer says "Strong enough for a man but made for a woman."

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Master Gryphon))

For all you LLama's out there

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php


and for all you C/cats out there
http://www.yomgaille.com/bordel/kittens/

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Savi))

I like that:


Warning
~Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other peoples' gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Mistress Lilac))

For those who own horses..

"THE SHEATH CLEANING SONG"
Sing it to the tune of "Hello Mother, Hello Father"
from camp song


How's it hangin'?
So much cleaner.
Aren't you glad I
washed your wiener?
I'll admit it's
kinda creepy
that I had to stick my arm up in your pee-pee.

It was sticky.
It was gunky.
It felt icky.
It smelled funky.
It was cruddy,
it was crusty--
when you stuck it out,
it creaked like it was rusty.

After half an
hour of toilin'
and of squirtin'
baby oil in,
you're as fresh there
as a daisy.
Either this means I love you or I'm crazy!!!

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by ice{Brooke/Mtc}))

After the llama song and the kittens i feel obligated to post these if they were not earlier in the thread:

Banana phone!!

http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/bananaphone.html

Badger Badger

http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/badger.html

And what happens when people watch them both too much... Badger Phone

http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/badgerphone.html 
 
 

[familure{TD}]

ok....i admit it...i am sick....i am a blonde that loves blonde jokes...lol

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town called Weipa. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this,mister! I'm talking to that little prick on your knee."

[familure{TD}]

((originally posted by Master Gryphon))

http://www.thestatenislandboys.com/All_da_Crap_is_here/Caroline.swf

am not going to say much about this one..but guys enjoy