Author Topic: a little laugh :-)  (Read 659289 times)

Offline prism {*RgR*1*}

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #990 on: January 16, 2012, 08:50:26 PM »
Toilet Paper Miracle.. *G*

Fresh from her shower, the wife stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small.

Instead of telling her it's not so, the way he usually did, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds"

Willing to try anything, the wife got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied.

She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man.
~*~~*~
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit....she's awake!!'

~*~~*~

Offline prism {*RgR*1*}

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #991 on: January 16, 2012, 08:53:34 PM »
so true, it's scary!





LMFAO!!!! This is OUR house!! But the genders are reversed.. *wipes cheeks.*.. loves you mini-me
~*~~*~
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit....she's awake!!'

~*~~*~

Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #992 on: January 16, 2012, 09:13:59 PM »
LMTAO

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #993 on: January 17, 2012, 11:32:48 AM »
-lmao-

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #994 on: January 20, 2012, 05:14:55 AM »
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX: Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX: A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX: Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX: A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #995 on: January 20, 2012, 08:23:02 AM »
Egawds....


 :D :D :D :D :D

Offline Taryn

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #996 on: February 03, 2012, 03:19:01 PM »
Drops this off and ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnsssss.................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4

Offline razz|n.o.i.r

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #997 on: February 03, 2012, 03:45:52 PM »
-dies laughin-..ty soooo needed a laugh.
S I l v e r . & . C o l d
Sarant'satsral Onyxbane

IN | T:CP
- P o r t a l . o f . D r e a m s -
-In Mourning-

Offline prism {*RgR*1*}

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #998 on: February 13, 2012, 03:44:21 PM »
A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden,
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?..
''Yes," was his incredulous reply..
She answered,. 'Well, today I didn't do it. :)

~*~~*~
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit....she's awake!!'

~*~~*~

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #999 on: February 13, 2012, 04:55:02 PM »
-lmao-!!!!!

Offline Elisa Windrider

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1000 on: April 05, 2012, 05:48:56 AM »
In My Next Life I Want To Be A Bear

    In my next life I want to be a bear.

    If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.

        I could deal with that.

    Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.

        I could deal with that, too.

    If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.

        I could definitely deal with that.

    If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

        I could deal with that.

    If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. He KNOWS not to get between you and the food.

        Yup..... Gonna be a bear.

hehehehhe!!!!
Don't Waste Your time looking back, you're not going that way.
    "Ragnar Lothbrok"

Offline RAGNAR

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1001 on: April 05, 2012, 11:06:29 PM »
*Chuckles*

Offline Elisa Windrider

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1002 on: May 29, 2012, 06:16:09 AM »
Ferret: Chaos with fur, claws and an odd smell. 
Don't Waste Your time looking back, you're not going that way.
    "Ragnar Lothbrok"

Offline prism {*RgR*1*}

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1003 on: August 10, 2012, 06:45:20 PM »
thought for the day...

I'm not sayin' kill all the stupid people. I'm just sayin' let's remove all warning labels and let things sort themselves out."

LOL
~*~~*~
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit....she's awake!!'

~*~~*~

Offline Mercilayne

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Re: a little laugh :-)
« Reply #1004 on: August 10, 2012, 07:01:30 PM »
hellyeah! -grinslots-