Question about Companionship.

[Jay]

Often times I have sat here over the years and pondered this.
and I guess it has only really come to mind lately the question or realization of something.

There is a rule that No one may talk about the possibility of buying a slave from Ubar.

What I would like to hear from My family, those of Tuchuk, what they would think if the rule went to Companionship as well.  I've seen too many Sisters hurt by so called Men claiming they wish to Court them and after awhile it doesn't work, thus hurting them.  I don't want to see that.

if this is a bad idea then I'll understand, but I'm just trying to look out for those of Tuchuk, and think it would hopefully help out.  I know this is just the thought of one more Rule, but I've seen some not grasp common sense in regards to someones feelings in this aspect.

would like to hear from everyone on this.
though like I said, if this is a bad idea I apologize, I'm just in one of those thoughtful moods. -chuckles-

[RAGNAR]

Often times I have sat here over the years and pondered this.
and I guess it has only really come to mind lately the question or realization of something.

There is a rule that No one may talk about the possibility of buying a slave from Ubar.

What I would like to hear from My family, those of Tuchuk, what they would think if the rule went to Companionship as well.  I've seen too many Sisters hurt by so called Men claiming they wish to Court them and after awhile it doesn't work, thus hurting them.  I don't want to see that.

if this is a bad idea then I'll understand, but I'm just trying to look out for those of Tuchuk, and think it would hopefully help out.  I know this is just the thought of one more Rule, but I've seen some not grasp common sense in regards to someones feelings in this aspect.

would like to hear from everyone on this.
though like I said, if this is a bad idea I apologize, I'm just in one of those thoughtful moods. -chuckles-

There is a rule that No one may talk about the possibility of buying a slave from Ubar.

They may speak with me regarding purchase or barter of a slave. What they may not do is talk with the slave in order to wheel and deal for them.

The way the courting business is supposed to work is Man meets Woman, Man decides to get to know Woman. All well and good.

Man is supposed to speak with Woman's Family head regarding courting in Tuchuk. For those Women who have none I stand in. It is approved or disapproved.

What we often run into are the twinkle-toe loopholers who play their games not seeking to court yet doing all those things normally seen during courtship, or, doing them out of sight or less than honorably obvious.

Hence it tends to progress where more than just Tuchuk residence comes into play, and as soon as the twinkle-toe horndog catches whiff of a new asshole they wander off seeking to hump that Woman's leg awhile leaving the other Woman hurt.

My first initial thought... slice off the horndog's crank and nail it his forehead.

Next would be having no private time between non-courting Men and Women, which tends to be seen as my overstepping... until the Woman is hurt and then they come screaming at me wishing to know why i didn't do something earlier. *rme*

Or, having the Woman approach me and ask if she may be "seen" by the horndog before he need come to me and seek to court.

Last option.... collar the Woman, kill the Man. Less to have to deal with... but not exactly a reproductive nor mutually beneficial bellringer.

Any other suggestions?

[Jay]

They may speak with me regarding purchase or barter of a slave. What they may not do is talk with the slave in order to wheel and deal for them.

lol that's what I meant. was too happy remembering about the question I was asking to explain that.

I had thought all that as well. Including the thought of overstepping. but I brought it up because I know when such situations arise, (and I don't mean anything bad by this) but at times it seems like common sense is thrown out and some of Us become too happy to be noticed, as it were.

As for suggestions, none at this time. I'm still giving it much thought.

[Kitya]

I'm not sure that there IS anything that can be done. Look at real life... people do the same thing all the time. As an example, one of my friends was interested in a guy who was doin the whole attention giving thing, and acting like he was really into her. She asked me what I thought of him, and, stupid me, I actually told her. BAD mistake, because I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him and told her that in my opinion, he would stick with her until he found someone he thought was better, and then dump her. Of coruse, she got totally pissed at me, very upset, and stopped talking to me for about a week. A month later, he dumped her for someone else. Please give me kudos here, I did NOT say I told you so. But she got mad at me all over again because it had turned out I was right.  Another time, a different friend... so head over heels in love with a guy that she wouldn't hear anything negative about him... soooo... I had to stay quiet and wait till he screwed her over....which he did. When she asked me why I didn't say that I thought he was bad news, I asked her if she would have believed me at the time... she had to admit that no, she wouldn't have.

I guess that's my point... when people decide to jump off the deep end, a lot of them seem to leave their intellegence and common sense at the edge of the pool. I'm as guilty as the next person... my *ahem* ill fated FCing for example... all three of them. What bugs me is that those same people get all upset with everyone else after everything is overwith, asking "Why didn't you tell me to stay away from him/her?" The answer is, "Because you wouldn't have listened and would have just gotten mad at me."

My two cents worth is, be adult to admit you made a mistake about someone, and go into the next relationship wiser and with your eyes wide open. Don't assume that just because a guy is flirting with you, that he wants to FC you... and visa versa. There are people who are unscrupulous... horrible, but true. They will use you if they get the chance. They need that sense of power. Are they scumbags for doing it? Sure they are, but it doesn't mean they aren't going to do it. We are Proud Tuchuk Women. WE need to decide that WE are worth more than just a little flirt. A guy has to PROVE himself before we take any flirting seriously. And, if we are needing love and affection so desperately that we will fall for any guy who does flirt with us, and again, I have been guilty of this myself... (thinking of a certain urt who Fc'd me and promptly suicided within a week of our ceremony), well, maybe we need to examine ourselves to see WHY we need that so badly, and then seek help from our Family, especially our fellow sisters who likely know what we're going thru. We can't blame the Ubar, or anyone else, if we fall too fast and assume something that wasn't there. We need to accept responsibility for our own decisions. Afterall, you know what they say about assume... it makes an ass out of u and me.

Kitya

[LadyMuse]

Bingo and well said Sis, I agree totally, and we are all guilty of it at one time or another, but if we learn somethign from each experience then that experience wasn't all bad, we jsut need to keep our eyes open instead of doing somethign stupid, it cna be easier said than done, but it CAN be done, been there done that! *LOL*



LM

[Dream]

As I read this, I wonder, why all the blame/responsibility lays with the women of Tuchuk?  Yes, we need to look out for ourselves, and each other. However, how about the men taking some responsibility for their actions?  When we are told, when the time is right, I am going to talk to Ubar about courting you, then something goes wrong.  How about the men keeping their hormones in check, and not saying anything, until there is ABSOLUTE certainty on the matter.......not.....when the time is right. If you are that much of a horndog, as Ubar calls ya, then take a slave to your wagon and get some relief.  Its not just up to us gals, you guys got some responsibility also.

[kelsey]

personally, I would like to see a wiating period for new members and returning members before they are allowed to curt...I have seen too many times where they get their tag, ask to court without really finishing acclimating to the home......

[Shylina Marie]

This is just my point of view..... two tarsk bits worth....


The Key in all of this is we are adults.. though some may or may not act like it... to role play in this part of the realm we are required to be at least 18.  most of us are well above that. now that doesn't mean that with age you gain common sense.. most have to go the route of  the good ole school of hard knocks.   you live. you learn. you move on. lets be realistic, we all make stupid mistakes, especially where the heart is concerned.... we do have to be adult about things though. and we also have to be willing to admit our own faults before we take to hard criticisim of others. no one is perfect.  but this is where we all have to take a little better look at the rule of  " screw me once.. shame on you. screw me twice. shame on me."  I do agree with what Kelsey has stated. those coming to the home.. those returning to the home..... need time to become one once more with Tuchuk before this is even a thought.  I also have to agree with some old rules of Chivalry.  it would be better for a Man to be that adamant in his desire to get to know a Woman under the eyes of her father or  Parental Advisor if she has no living family. there should never be talk of joining before you get to know some person.  we can view the RT divorce stats for that confirmation.  sometimes the old ways do prove to be better..... a Man having to visit a girls family and sit under the eyes of her relations to visit and get to know her... then perhaps He can help with things with her family such as harvest, calving, barn raising. field gleening.  then perhaps once He has her fathers approval... He may see her without a family member present in the public areas of her fathers home.... then once He has the will to do so..... and approaches her father or parental for consent of His wishes.... then would he be able to seek her to find out if she would be willing to enter this union... note that this takes place over a great deal of time..... after all... it is time... we all have plenty of it... though we all know that time will fall under murphys law and sometimes things do just happen.
Again the KEY here is being adult..... adults are not perfect and make mistakes.... but what we all need to remember.. is that we all have to be responsible for what we say... how we say it... and what we do.... and how we do it.

[Sahara]

See, I feel like those people who CHOOSE to be so blind that they won't listen to their family and friends about the person they're trying to make a prospective mate out of deserve what they get.  Harsh, yes, but true.  I think it was Muse who said we need to be learning from these experiences, but on top of learning from our own mistakes, why not open our eyes to others mistakes...makes for less tripping and falling in the same holes they've scraped themselves up and out of.  My FIRST lesson in love was that if my family and friends don't like him, there's probably a good reason and I'm making a mistake and if nothing else, I need to step back and look at what's going on here. I also think that courting SHOULD go through Ubar just as the purchase of a slave.  There is no reason why this shouldn't be approved by someone outside the whirl wind of lust (note I said LUST not LOVE) because initial feelings for someone DO cloud judgement.  I also think that those men who DON'T hold themselves responsible enough to answer for the actions that can allow us to officially place them in the horndog category are known by those of us who've been present for a while and see what goes on.  Thusly, I also agree with a waiting period to court for new and returning members.  Get a feel for what's going on.  If it's true love and not just lust, it'll still be there when the waiting period is up and then you'll know for sure it's the right thing.

Sah

[Faramir]

A waiting period for those new to Camp is no problem, just enforce that Law of the Wagon People, without the courage scar ya can't court a FW of the Home. As for those returning, Ubar can decided on a case by case basis.  It's just a thought.

[RAGNAR]

We do.

[Isreal]

I realize that I am new here, but I am no newbie to Gor.  I am certainly, certainly not new to the situation described here, and I hope that no one will mind if I add my 2 tarsk bits.

Being a free woman is difficult.  A difficult balance between being modest, and yet affectionate; demure, but also proud and witty.  One of the most difficult things to balance is our relationship with the men on Gor.

We are not slaves, and though they should not treat us like slaves - nor should we act like them.  Some women do this without realizing it.  They do it by tossing themselves at the first man who shows an interest in them.  They do this by tossing themselves in the furs of their would-be companion, or being a slave to some hardly-known fellow in the privacy of PMs.  A room can make a thousand rules with the good intention of protecting their women, but if the woman does not protect herself, good intentions is all they will ever be.

Please permit me to use an example from the cities:

A city woman who does not wear veils acts in her own defeat - puts herself at risk.  It is the purpose of veils to permit a woman to protect herself.  Her father needn't force them on her, her bothers needn't tie her down and strap them onto her face.  A diligent women will wear them of her own will and understand the safety they provide.

And so it must be with our hearts.  We must be diligent when we interact with men, especially new men who are strangers and not trusted members of our family.  We must guard ourselves, even if our hearts wish to run away with us and dive into the potentail romance we imagine while we still wear rose-coloured glasses.  We must carefully consider every action, be it a wink, a smile, a few light-hearted words,  or the holding of a man's hand.  Because in the end, if all the man is there for is to use us, and break our hearts - he will leave before he gets the chance, when he realizes that we are free women, and that we cannot be had.  We do not only follow our hearts, but our heads as well, and most importantly, we protect ourselves from predators like the ones described in this thread.

In the end, my dear free sisters, it is you who hold your dignity, your heart, and your fate in your hands.  Treat it as the most fragile of glass, and protect it with all of your will.  In the end, the man who deserves you will prove himself worthy by helping to protect it, he will not try to mar or soil it.

Men should be held responsible for their actions, but don't forget that so should we. 

Our actions define us.

[kadi{MTC}]

just wanted to say it could happen to Masters and slaves as well, only slaves dont get a say in who owns them and kadi knows of a few Masters that have been hury badly by FW so everyone needs to be careful out there

[Jay]

Well, it is nice to know that My family understands My rambling questions such as this, and can decipher the meaning behind them. -chuckles- I asked a question, but couldn't find the words for it, but looking at all the reactions and posts, I would say that the meaning behind it was received and replied on. -hugs all but Rags since He'll kill Me if I hug Him- heh

and kadi, slaves know to talk to their owners should someone start talking about such, especially if they are owned by Ubar, people know the consequence of such actions should they breach them.