Author Topic: This Tickled me ...  (Read 138671 times)

Offline ~Meg~

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #150 on: April 23, 2008, 10:24:05 AM »
Glad you liked it Kellie..I got it through an email myself...and thought I would share it ....*S*...
One day at a time is enough....Don't look back and grieve the past, it's gone....And Don't be troubled about the future, It has not come yet....Live in the present and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

Offline Kellie

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #151 on: April 23, 2008, 01:36:51 PM »
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.'
 
'Perfect,' her husband said.' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.
 
You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.'
Life isn't about surviving the storm, but rather how to dance in the rain.

Offline Easy

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #152 on: April 23, 2008, 05:28:34 PM »
good one kellie

Offline Kellie

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #153 on: April 24, 2008, 05:34:44 AM »
 ;)...glad ya liked it *L*
Life isn't about surviving the storm, but rather how to dance in the rain.

Offline ~Meg~

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #154 on: April 24, 2008, 10:18:54 AM »
Has to agree with Easy..Was a good one Kellie *S*
One day at a time is enough....Don't look back and grieve the past, it's gone....And Don't be troubled about the future, It has not come yet....Live in the present and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

Offline PeterFitzwell

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #155 on: April 29, 2008, 05:39:45 AM »

rep

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #156 on: April 29, 2008, 09:24:52 AM »
i remember as a teenager meeting a friend's exchange student from Japan and giggling as we exchanged addresses and read them outloud, his words sounding so 'funny' to me but also standing there as mine sounded so 'funny' to him...~silences and steps away seeming to be too serious to be tickled right now~

Offline PeterFitzwell

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #157 on: April 29, 2008, 11:02:42 AM »
I bet that was fun kiah...*S*

Offline Kellie

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #158 on: May 01, 2008, 03:34:55 AM »
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his
eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such
innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went
over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed
she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took
her foot and stomped them flat, saying "Well, we're not having any of that
Brokeback Mountain sh** in our garden."
Life isn't about surviving the storm, but rather how to dance in the rain.

Offline Kellie

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #159 on: May 06, 2008, 04:08:22 AM »



It's Hell to get Old



OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, and none of us could get the jar open.'
Life isn't about surviving the storm, but rather how to dance in the rain.

Offline PeterFitzwell

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #160 on: May 13, 2008, 01:32:39 PM »
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience Seeing God, she asked,'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?' 
God replied, 'Giiirrrlllllllll, I didn't even recognize you.' 

Offline ~Meg~

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #161 on: May 15, 2008, 07:51:05 AM »
a little chuckle...
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,
'I I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.'
' And what can I get for you, Mr. President?'
George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark
wink and slight grin, 'How about a quickie this morning?'
'Why, Mr. President!' the waitress exclaims, 'How rude!
You're starting to act like President Clinton,' and the waitress storms away.
Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers... It's pronounced 'quiche'.
One day at a time is enough....Don't look back and grieve the past, it's gone....And Don't be troubled about the future, It has not come yet....Live in the present and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

Offline PeterFitzwell

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Deliveryguy

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #163 on: May 19, 2008, 05:14:53 AM »
A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway, the officer came to the drivers window and said, "Sir, may I see your drivers license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said,"
What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?"
So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it."
The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?"
The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk."
The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup."
The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes later another highway patrolman arrives.
He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration.
The man said," Yes officer I have it right here."
It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?"
The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.
The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it.
The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.
The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk."
The man looks the officer in the eyes and says,
"Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too!

Deliveryguy

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Re: This Tickled me ...
« Reply #164 on: May 21, 2008, 08:54:47 AM »
Billy Graham was returning  to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?' The driver said, no problem. Have at it.' Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... But I also know that  important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'The young trooper said,  'No, he's even more important than that.'The supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?' The young trooper said,  I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'